I know, I have been MIA for a while now and I am sorry for that. Seems Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia wanted to kick me around a bit, well a lot actually, just days after I was thinking how well the new meds my fav doc gave me, were working I got a major flare. I have been doing so well, more energy and better movement than I have had in almost 11 years, I should never have got comfortable with that feeling because as soon as I relaxed into it, my old nemeses RA and FM decided to rear their ugly heads fully force, laying me low for the last month or more. That will teach me won’t it? Just when I think its safe to start living again.
Winter is starting to lose its grip here and I love that cos as you can imagine, winter and joint pain are not the best of friends, and as the slowly warming weather sets in I start to think I will feel better but nope, not gonna happen. And with the pain comes the depression and with that comes the shutting down and avoiding the world. And to add to that depression comes the anniversary of my beloveds death, which still has a terrible effect on my mental health even now, 13 years later. Every year at this time I get throwing back into that awful night when my world fell apart so dramatically. Seems like pretty much everything bad in my life has stemmed from that night and I wonder if I will ever come back from it completely. I still have so much heartbreak and anger left over from that time.
Anyway to battle these feelings I have been losing myself in an art journal course, which is actually really helping me get some of those mixed up feelings out onto paper with paint and ink and lots of mess. I have touched on art journaling once before but not to the extent that I am at the moment. My desk is a permant mess of ink stains and bits of paper and its lots of fun just to go nuts and enjoy the process. Here is some of the pages I have done
The thing I find is when I have a new hobby I throw myself completely into it and everything else gets put into the background, even the housework at times lol. I have also been doing a refresher course in computing. Its been a long long time since I sat the Microsoft certificates and things have changed a lot since then so I decided it was time to get myself back up to speed. its been 13 years since I worked in the industry and I still want to go back to teaching one day, if my health ever lets me, which lately I am thinking it won’t. If nothing else I would like to be able to do private tutoring which is something I can fit around my stupid health. I am finding it a lot easier than I expected, I am working on Excel at the moment which I never used to like but I am actually getting into this time around, even the formulas are coming back to me easily.
Well folks time to drag this weary ol bod of mine off to my bed, after a lovely big dose of pain killers to dull the aches. Its raining today and its playing havoc with those old joints of mine. I joke with my Mum that my body is older than hers. She has the body of a typical 70+ woman, I have the body of a 90 year old drug addict lol. If you can’t laugh about it than what’s the point of being alive.
I will be back, hopefully tomorrow, with a new book review for you. I have read some awesome books lately that I want to share with you, so watch out for that. Hope you didn’t mind me moaning at you tonight, its just been such a long journey these last few weeks and sometimes I just need to get it all of my chest so I can move on.
Good night one and all, I will be back.