the truth

ok i have to admit that for the last few weeks i have been feeling very sorry for myself,  the reality of this disease is sinking in and i am still a long way from any kind of remission, that is if i ever reach remission. the more i learn the more depressed i get. add that to the little things like having days like the last few, where i cant move easily and i cant get down on the floor and crawl around with Katie or play all the crazy chasey games she loves. when i get so tired and bitchy that everyone around me must hate it, i know i do. today i finally admited defeat and brought a walking stick. Mum and I where in Richmond shopping and walking was a nightmare again. its those sort of little things that drag me down. but i refuse to let it get on top of me, one way or another i will beat this thing. mean time i will bitch and moan and hope to hell the mega amounts of pills i take each day are doing something besides making me lose my memory and get fat…they better be because i dont want to go mad for nothing lol.

now that little confession is out of the way. i had an interesting conversation with Jodi the other night. he as finally got a Job in New Plymouth and is sounding very happy and settled. oh well so much for hoping he would pack it in and come home to mummy lol, he’s a growed up now and i hate it lol…we were discussing his 18th birthday which is at the end of the month and i asked him what he wanted, expecting the normal like something for his car or something like that but he shocked me. he wants a scrapbook featuring his little brother and sister and me and the rest of our extended family. i was amazed. Jodi has always been family orientated but i never expected that, i make a habit of sending him photos every few weeks because i know how much he misses Katie and Steve but i didnt think he would want a scrapbook. needless to say i have got to work and am creating my very first 8×8 album. since i dont have much time i thought it would be quicker to think small lol. i have only done one page so far but i have planned most of the album including leaving him a few pages empty as requested so he can add pages of him and Charmaine and his life up in NP. i cant believe he wants such a personal present. my baby has grown up. man i miss him!

anyways time to sleep, it is nearly midnight after all. night night


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