i got my disability parking permit today so i guess its official, i am officially disabled. its so depressing, i didn’t expect it to effect me like this but its hit me hard. its like i have to accept the fact that the RA is not going away. i suppose i was living in hope that i would wake up one morning and it will have disappeared. it happened so fast, 4 months ago i was a normal health person and then suddenly i was so seriously sick i thought i was going to die, then the pain that just didnt go away. and it all went down hill so quickly. now there are moments when i am perfectly normally, they arent many but they are there. but getting that permit today made me realise its not going away and i am going to be like this for the rest of my life and everything i do will have to take this disease into account forever.
i try and look on the upside of everthing, but i am struggling to find the upside of this. i want to be normal again. and in 2 weeks i have an appointment to see person from the arthritstis foundation to see what help they can give me. oh yah! when you think arthritis foundation you think little old ladies with crippled gnarled hands and all bent over. not 38 year olds with young families. i would like to stamp my feet and say its not fair!!! but i am an adult and a mum so i just carry, try and keep smiling and have the odd blue moment like this…..oh well back to coro st and an early night….i had a sleepless night last night…i’m tired